


sunrise and sunsets (both are worth it)

by momorings



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-04-07 10:03:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14078463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/momorings/pseuds/momorings
Summary: Jaemin isn't sure about a lot of things except for only one thing: that every time the sun rises, he falls in love harder than he already was when the sun sets.





	sunrise and sunsets (both are worth it)

**Author's Note:**

> hello it is i
> 
> i hope u like the fic because i wanna make a decent one oof

Jaemin was looking out the window of his room again.

The sun rose again and something glazed over his eyes, Jaemin convinces himself that it isn't regret. There's a wish at the tip of his tongue that he doesn't know how to wish for that's aching to be said out loud, but he stops. He looks back and a bitter laugh escapes from his mouth. 

He heaves a deep sigh and looks up at the sky, realizing that the sun is about to disappear. Another day has passed and nothing hasn't changed.

He rubs his palms roughly on his eyes, forcibly trying to stop the tears from falling down. He hates it. He hates that his eyes cloud over each time a new dawn is introduced to him - a new hope, as if every time he thinks he finally has a chance, it doesn't always get crushed.

The calm never had a place in Jaemin's head.

-

Jaemin was looking out the window of the library when he got the news about his Jungwoo hyung choosing to continue with his studies.

"Something about finally making the right decision," Taeyong had said, "I mean we all had our fair share of bad decisions.. but, Jungwoo? I always knew he was the one who had his life figured out."

Jaemin was about to say that Taeyong and Doyoung were also one two of the few friends he has that practically had everything they needed to succeed in life but he knew that he would only get a dismissive reply. Taeyong never liked talking about the future.

Instead, he let the silence creep in. It made him think about a lot of things. Lately, he has been thinking a lot. Now, he's thinking about the decisions he has made. _All of it leading up to me getting hurt in the end._ But, he still keeps on thinking, until he reaches that part of his thoughts that would often make him wish.

There it is again. A wish that's aching to spill itself out of his mouth. But none came.

"Hyung, tell me about your day."

Taeyong's ears perked. "Yeah? It's not interesting, though.."

Jaemin smiled. "Anything other than _this_ is interesting. hyung." The older boy could practically feel him begging, and he didn't know what else to do than to just ride along. He noticed Jaemin looking out the window again and sighed.

Taeyong moved closer and patted Jaemin's head. "Fine."

Jaemin listened and found out that Taeyong's working on his music again and planning on releasing it soon, but even though talking to a friend was a nice distraction from his own thoughts, he couldn't stop his mind from being too loud that even though Taeyong was close and his words are perfectly clear, Jaemin couldn't understand a thing.

He always ends the day with a headache. 

-  
Jaemin has finally decided. He's going to step out of his room and bring back the old Jaemin as if nothing ever happened. _Nothing happened._

It's been exactly twenty-three days of watching the sun rise and the sun set without no sign of _him._ Jaemin concluded that maybe Jeno convinced himself earlier than him that _nothing really happened._

"And nothing's going to happen."

-

Once again, his bad decisions keep on piling up. He knew he had no right to find beauty in suffocation, but as he gazed at the sky and saw the sun rise, ever so slowly but still so beautifully, he thought it was what beauty had meant all along.

Jaemin looked at Jeno and realized that he was wrong.

"Jaemin-ah."

He blinked a few times. He knew he should just turn around, walk away, and ignore him but when he saw the bags under Jeno's eyes and the obviously bigger clothes on him, his legs stayed rooted in place and his mouth betrayed him. "Hey."

Jeno scratched the back of his neck. "So, I just wanted to apologize for disappearing for.. um, like a.. a week?"

"Three weeks, actually."

This made the boy laugh. "Yeah, three weeks. Sorry, I can't count." Jaemin wanted to ask a lot of things but he knew better. Jeno would end up disappearing for a longer time if he even brought up the topic of _them._

So instead, Jaemin smiled. "It's fine," He looked away and bit the inside of his cheek, "..you won't do it again, right?"

Jeno stared at him. Jaemin couldn't understand the expression he had on his face and before he could even take back what he said, Jeno had already smiled. "Yeah, Jaemin-ah, I promise."

He returned the smile but he knew both of them didn't mean it. Not anymore.  
-  
When Jaemin started skipping his classes, Donghyuck knew something was up. Jaemin wasn't the type to just stop attending his classes when it's nearing their exam day. So, during last period, he went straight to Jaemin's house and found him on his bed, crying his eyes out.

Donghyuck had an idea about what his friend is crying about but he wanted to hear it from Jaemin himself, but he knew better than to ask so he just hugged Jaemin and rubbed him on his back, trying his best to calm his friend down. He was hurting too just by hearing Jaemin cry and look so void of life, _the_ Jaemin that always cheered them up, _the_ Jaemin that always had their backs and always knew what to say. 

Lately, Jaemin hadn't been himself.

When Jaemin had finally calmed down, he was too tired to even speak, and so, even if Donghyuck wanted to know what happened, he just let his friend rest and left but not until he was sure that Jaemin was okay and resting.

He sure hopes that was the last time he sees his friend that broken.

-

Jaemin was already sitting in a cafe, waiting for Jeno when he realized that he should've said 'no'. He already knows that this wasn't going to end well. Everything that happens between them always ends up with someone getting hurt. And that someone's always Jaemin. 

He wanted to beat himself up for never learning, for always putting himself in situations that would always, _always_ break his heart, for always setting himself up for destruction, and for never putting himself first. Jaemin likes to think that he's a rational person but whenever Jeno's there, _existing,_ he just loses all the ability to think coherent and rational thoughts - thoughts that would save him from a heart break.

A broken heart is what Jeno always ends up giving him.

Instead, he thinks about _them._ Whenever Jeno's there, Jaemin forgets about all the times Jeno disappeared for a long time, never giving Jaemin a reason, making him feel like he doesn't even deserve one in the first place. Whenever he's there, Jaemin forgets about all the times he felt confused and frustrated because he doesn't know where they stand, so he stops himself from doing and saying things that wouldn't be appropriate for their _relationship._

Whenever Jeno's there, Jaemin just forgets about himself.

The sound of the bell rings, indicating someone arriving, is what brings Jaemin back to reality.

"Jaemin-ah."

"Hi."

Jeno stays standing. Jaemin stares. "A-aren't you going to sit?"

Jeno's continuous staring is making Jaemin frustrated. He feels like he's being analyzed, like Jeno's waiting for him to crack - to break, to expose himself.

"Jaemin-ah. I'm sorry."

No one speaks until the bell rings again and Jeno blinks, looks away for a minute, and sighs. Jaemin grabs his attention by reaching for his hand, Jeno stares shockingly at it, as if he wasn't expecting something as... calm as that.

"What's going on in that mind of yours?"

Jeno blinks, and a stray of tear slipped past his cheeks and Jaemin immediately stands up, pulls Jeno closer to him and in that moment, Jaemin finally realized something.

He was willing to throw his heart out and push it towards Jeno even with the uncertainty of whether he would accept it or throw it away, but Jaemin would still do it. Over and over again.

Jaemin's starting to convince himself that this wasn't another one of his bad decision. That _Jeno isn't a bad decision._ That this would be all worth the pain in the end. That _Jeno is worth it._

When the bell rings again, Jaemin realized that this was the first time that Jeno hugged him back. And it's the first time that something between them didn't leave him with a broken heart.

"Jaemin-ah. I know I've been causing you a lot of pain, I know that.. and I.. I'm just so scared.." Jeno pulls back and wipes on his eyes but Jaemin grabs his hands and puts it down and wipes Jeno's tears himself. A silent statement that Jaemin's already forgiving him. When Jeno finally stopped, Jaemin was still smiling.

"What?"

Jaemin puts his forehead against Jeno's and says the words he has been holding in for a long time. "There's truth in your beauty, the way I don't have to explain why you're beautiful, you just are. Right now, despite your cloudy eyes and tired smile, there's still something tucked between the space between your neck and chest, here, just above your throat," he pauses, puts his fingers on top if it and he hears Jeno suck in a breath, "I'd love to know everything about you, Jeno."

Jeno ever so slightly, touches Jaemin's chin and lifts it up, making him stare into his eyes. "Jaemin-ah, I'm.. I'm so sorry if it took me this long. You're the only person I trust enough to know everything about me."

With that, Jaemin laughed. A genuine one. The sound surprised Jaemin himself - it's been a long time since he has been this happy, his heart might burst!

"But,"

Jaemin raised his eyebrows.

Jeno smiled. "Only if you let me know everything about you, too."

Jaemin's emotions are taking a toll on him and his words are failing him so he just nods and pulls Jeno closer to him and buries his face on his neck. He could stay right there and there if Jeno didn't pull him back again and stared at him straight in the eyes with that stupid smile of his and Jaemin blurted out. "One day, we'll make sense. We'll be tired and spent and wary, more than we have ever been, but Jeno, I will carry you on my back if I have to, just to get us there."

Jeno blinks back the tears. "How could you love me like this?"

Jaemin heard Jeno's voice crack. He rubs the bags under Jeno's eyes and looks out the window, sees that the sky is clear, and smiles. "Why does the sun rise?"

-


End file.
